BEAT IT

Today’s blog is about the people that you date that just won’t go away. They come in all shapes and sizes. There’s the guy you had that great convo with one night, then went back to his place and spent the night cuddling and sharing all the wonderful things that you had in common. Of the chick you spent the whole summer chasing, or that guy you had the amazing one night stand with. Why is it that when the wooing and cooing ends that they can’t just BEAT IT. Make like a tree and leave. People have a tendency to assume that it’s the girl who’s usually the “stage 5 clinger” but I strongly beg to differ.

Take my girl Kata. Last February she dated this dude for about 4 months; we’ll call him loser head. No, that’s too long we’ll call him Calvin. She and Calvin met through a mutual friend. Unfortunately he lived in a different city so their relationship was long distance. One day trouble arose in paradise as trouble will often do and their relationship came to an end. Things ended amicably and they agreed to be friends. Kata being the “fun fearless female!” that she is was quickly over it. She and Calvin kept in touch and went on with their lives. Calvin continued to send her messages, checking in on her, and making sure that he was okay. For the record, Calvin’s behaviour and lack of maturity was the reason they broke up, hence the name loser head. While all of this was going on, a group of us we’re planning to go on a large very expensive camping trip. Calvin had originally been part of the group but decided not to come once things ended with Kata. However, since they we’re on good terms he thought, sure, I’ll come why the hell not! We’re friends right. Right. Turns our Calvin only wanted to come on the trip so he could try to get back with Kata. When she politely squashed that idea he changed his mind and was officially kicked out of the tent. Needless to say, this didn’t go over well with the group, or Kata.

Later in the summer Calvin thought he’d be Mr Slick and send Kata a message, “Just thought I’d randomly say I’m in C-town this weekend with a few friends in case you wanted to me.” Of course she ignored the message as Calvin had recently updated his status from loser head to asshole. Ffwd to the winter of 2009. Kata, being the wonderful Samaritan that she is decided to raise money for charity for the 2nd year in a row. The year before she had created a facebook group to generate buzz about her fundraising endeavour, unfortunately, Kata forgot that this facebook group included Calvin. When she sent a message to the group asking for funds she received a reply from Calvin saying “I would consider, but seeing as we’re not even facebook friends anymore. I’m not sure”

SIDEBAR -> Again I stand strong in my convictions that you should not add people you are dating to facebook.

Like the ghosts of messages past, Kata ignored the message and went on with her day. FIVE MOTHERFUCKIN DAYS AGO Kata get’s this message from Calvin, “Just driving through the mountains and thought of you, hope you’re well”. What is this guy’s deal!? Why can’t he drop it? It’s not like she’s responding to any of his message. For all he knows he could be texting a complete stranger. Seriously, I don’t get it. It’s been a full year since she told him to pound sand and yet he continues to contact her. Kata is one of the nicest people I know so she hasn’t yet told him to fuck off. If it we’re me I’d say something to the likes of: Please stop messaging. Don’t email me, don’t text me, don’t message me on facebook. It’s been a year, you are driving me nuts. PFO (please fuck off) well I might leave out the PFO but I’d sure as hell be thinking it. Man alive.

I’ll admit, I’ve been guilty of messaging someone that I dated after things ended. It’s usually because they fell off the face of the earth and I’m drunk and bored, but never after a year and never when we ended on bad terms. The worst part is that Kata doesn’t have Calvin’s number in her phone. The first time he messaged her she wasn’t even sure who it was. That my friends is an easily preventable mistake. I make a point to hold onto the numbers of ANY guy that could be a potential stalker. So if they decide to message me I’ll know to ignore them. It’s saved me a lot of awkward conversations.

An in effort to better educate myself I asked a few guys about the whole long term stalking thing. His theory is that typically, girls play hard to get. A girl might act like she’s not interested because she’s trying to be coy or try not to look like she’s easy. Therefore when a chick acts uninterested a guy shouldn’t give up, he should try again... Not a bad theory! So... basically it’s OUR fault that these guys harass us. Haha I love it. My advice? Keep any potential stalkers in your phone until you are POSITIVE that they aren’t going to bother you. If they message you, ignore them. If they message you again, take a little advice from Michael and politely tell them to Beat It.

Happy Humping!

RIP Michael Jackson

No Babies

Its baaack!

Welcome Ladies and Gentlemen to Black in the City. After a 2 month hiatus, Black in the City is back to keep you entertained and educated on matters concerning, sex, dating and relationships. Let us begin...

Today’s blog is about Birth Control and the many ways that you can practice it. I was sitting in the Dr’s office cruising through the Metro when I stumbled upon their sex column. Oooh Metro Sex column, I thought to myself, should be pretty lame... The article was about birth control. Specifically, the “withdrawal” method. Also known as the pullout method. The article discussed research that had been done on the effectiveness of the withdrawal method. Apparently, oral contraceptives are about 98% effective and the withdrawal method is 88%. The research had statistics to back all of it up.

Now, if you’re thinking what I’m thinking, your eyebrow is probably raised and you’re quietly mumbling what the fuck... to yourself. Since when is the PULLOUT METHOD an effective form of birth control?! Last time I checked, only silly folk used this method because they didn’t like using condoms. In fact I distinctly remember sitting in Health Class in the 8th grade learning about the birds and the bee’s . Mr. G was explaining the different forms of Birth Control and how the pullout method was sooo stupid and only lazy, crazy people did it. Fast forward to 2 years ago, my friend Hana and I are chatting about one of her girlfriends and how she and her boyfriend only used the pullout method. We proceeded to make fun of her and comment on how dumb she was and how only morons did that kind of stuff. Now 20 something years later, after being bombarded with the idea that the pullout method is a dangerous way to keep yourself baby free I’m suddenly supposed to change my opinions and embrace the idea that the withdrawal method is a “safe and effective” form of birth control? I don’t think so.

If you ask me, there’s no reason NOT to be on or using some form of birth control. It’s not like it’s HARD to get. And nowadays there are so many options on the types of birth control that you can use. There’s, oral contraceptives, injections, vaginal inserts, patches, shots , sponges, frig!.... OKAY hold the phone. I just googled methods of Birth Control and was brought to Planned Parenthood’s website. They ALSO have the withdrawal method on their list of birth control. Check this shit out:

Withdrawal (Pull Out Method)

Withdrawal at a Glance

Withdrawal is also called coitus interrupts or the "pull out method"
Something you can do during vaginal intercourse to prevent pregnancy
Safe, easy, and convenient

Am I the only person who feels like they’re in the twilight zone? Either I’m really old or I was misinformed as a young tween. It gets better....

What Is Withdrawal?

A man who performs withdrawal will pull his penis out of the vagina before ejaculation — the moment when semen spurts out of his penis. Withdrawal is also known as coitus interrupts and the pull out method.

Withdrawal may be the world's oldest way to practice birth control. About 35 million couples worldwide rely on withdrawal.


Well that’s it. I’m done. I don’t know what the world is coming to but it’s clearly gone to shit. For those of you who went to CJHS, JL and or were a product of Nova Scotia’s education system in the 90’s, please don’t feel like you’ve lost your mind. I’m just as confused as you. If you’re interested in learning more about different methods of birth control check out Planned Parenthood’s website.

Happy Humping!

Shout out to my girl Hana for today's title. Everytime she took her birthcontrol she would think "No babies"

The fate of Black in the City

Hello all.

You'll notice that I haven't posted a blog in 2 weeks. I had a few questions/comments/concerns about the content of my blog and have lost the motivation to write. Please leave a comment if you'd like me to continue with the blog.

Thanks!
-Mj

Jungle Fever

"I've got jungle fever, she's got jungle fever"

"We've got jungle fever, we're in love"

"She's gone black-boy crazy,"

"I've gone white-girl hazy"

"Ain't no thinking maybe, we're in love"

Thanks Stevie

Today's blog is about interracial dating. Ooooooooo, I know, touchy subject. But as someone who is in an interracial relationship I feel like it's important to talk about it.

How many of you remember the movie Jungle Fever? It was about a black architect, Wesley Snipes, his affair with an Italian secretary, some random, and his family's reaction to the affair. Scandaloussss. It was a pretty big deal back in 1991. Now a days interracial dating isn't really a big deal. Or is it?

When you walk down the street and see a black man with a white women or an Asian women with an east Indian man what does it make you think? For most, I imagine it doesn't you think anything but for some it creates a bit of discomfort. Not because they think it's wrong but because it's not the norm. Personally it doesn't make me think anything at all. Well that's not completely true. It does make me wonder what their kids would like; I imagine they'd be cute as hell. It also makes me a little warm inside to know that those two people will be enriching their children's lives with two distinct cultures.

Like most things, our beliefs are created by what we are taught by our parents. What I've noticed over the years and through my experiences is that immigrant families with second or third generation children tend to be more concerned with interracial dating. I think a lot of it has to do with preserving culture. It's almost like a defense mechanism. These parents, especially the moms, are worried about their grandchildren growing up without a sense of where they come from and not having a strong connection to their culture. It's hard enough for families to raise their children away from their native country, let alone their grandchildren. It makes complete sense that parents would want their son or daughter to marry someone from the same country. It will make the task of raising the future child with a strong connection to their culture that much easier. In addition, as minority it makes sense to marry within your own race in an effort to "preserve" your people. Think of it as survival of the fittest.

Okay so that takes care of the minorities, but what about the people in the majority. For simplicities sake I'm going to refer to them as white people because really, were in Calgary, Alberta, Canada, North America and most people are white. Like every other Canadian white people come from different countries; Ireland, Germany, Britain, Sweden, Netherlands etc... I wonder if the preservation of their culture is as important to them as it would be to an Italian, a Ghanaian or a Malaysian? Are their parents and grandparents just as concerned with them dating outside of their race as my west African mother is. I can't comment for these people being non white and all. But I can say that I have a few friends who will only date black guys or will date anyone as long as their not white. On the same note I have friends who have never dated anyone that wasn't white and I don't think they ever will. It's interesting to think about eh? I wonder what makes some people date one way and others date another.

Of course there is the issue of what everyone else is going to think . What your friends, co-workers, neighbours, and people on the street are going to think about your interracial relationship. I've had people that barely know me pass judgement on me for dating white men. I know someone who was kicked out of their house for dating someone that wasn't Greek. And an east Indian woman that is given weird looks because her husband is from a different continent . Is the fear of what other people are going to say or think paralysing us from experience life?

Personally I think everyone should take a crack at dating from someone from a different race, background or culture. It gives you the chance to step into another person's world and experience life from their point of view. It also will teach you a lot about how different cultures treat women and men that they are dating. And let me tell you, its quite different. I've had encounters with Greek, Irish, Iranian, Italian, Chinese, Native Canadian, Ghanaian, Nigerian and Cameroonian men and it is like night and friggin day people. Each man had a different way to "court" woo and romance me. Some of them were really good at it and some of them were really bad at it. I'm extremely grateful for these experiences because it has allowed to me better define the qualities I would like in a partner. A touch of Greek, a dabble of Ghanaian, a pinch of Italian and voila, perfect man! Haha, well it's not that easy but you get my point. I encourage each of you to go out and experience a little jungle fever for yourself. You never know, you just might love it.

Happy Humping!

So and so, this is everyone. Everyone this is so and so

Before I begin, I hope all of you know a little more about STD ;]

Let us begin. Today's blog is about the first encounter. Not the first encounter between you and your significant other, but the first one between your friends and your significant other. Ya'll know how important this is. This could potential make or break your partners street cred with your friends. I don't know why this is such a ground breaking event, but it is. Really the situation should be a piece of cake. You like your friends and you like your bf/gf so everyone should be in love, right? Riiiight. I don't know what your friends are like but things are not that easy with my friends.

I love my friends. They are fun, smart, energetic, welcoming people. Most of my friends are my buddies from Uni so we're pretty tight. We're also a bit cliquey. Not like mean girls cliquey more like who's that bitch, who is she friends with, and why is she at our party cliquey. ( FTR the chick I'm referring to was a TOTAL bitch and everyone kept asking how she got invited) Here's an example. A friend of ours starting dating this new guy. Before I had the pleasure of meeting him I asked my friends Naomi and Jen what they thought of him. They were quick to share their disappointment in my friends new selection:

Naomi-I don't really like him. I don't know there's just something about him.

Jen-Yea I agree. He's nice and all but he's nothing like her ex, he was way hotter.

Hmm... Okay. So what you're telling me is that you don't like him but don't know why except that he's not as hot as her ex. Okay I can work with that. I spoke to a few others and they were sort of indifferent to new guy. I eventually met said boyfriend and I happened to quite enjoy him ( yes he's not as hot at the ex) but he's cool as fuck. Unfortunately for him, Naomi and Jen continued to not really dig him for at least another 4 months. Granted our other friend never knew what they thought ( and still doesn't and hopefully won't after reading this blog) but it doesn't change the fact that they were adamant about not liking him. Again my friends are some of the NICEST friggin people you will ever meet but when they're stuck on something, they're stuck.

After four months of keeping Leo, aka snuffalophagus, to myself I felt like it was time to share him with my friends. Needless to say I was super nervous. I almost felt like I should warn him before we went. "Hey, we might swing by my friends house tonight, can you make sure your hair is perfect, your shirt is neat oh and don't say anything stupid, try to be social, but don't be too loud" Of course I didn't say anything. I figured I should give my friends the benefit of the doubt, plus I didn't want to freak the poor boy out.

After many conversations, a few rounds of sing star, a couple glasses of wine, a few beers and long game of cranium I got the vote of approval from my friend Sam.

"Hey Mj, I like Leo. You did a good job with him. He's in"

"Thanks Sam. I'm glad you said that. I was little nervous about bringing him around"

Oh, I imagine. We're nice and all but we're a hard group to crack"

See! I told you. Most of you are thinking, shit mj, you're friends are assholes or mj, you're a bitch for making me look like an asshole. Well let me let you all in on a little secret. I can say the things I do because I've done it too! I'd be the first one to size up the new girlfriend or boyfriend of one of my friends. Frig, I've gone as far as to tell friends that they can't get serious with someone until I've met them. That's right. So as much as I might hate on my friends for being judgemental assholes, I love them all the more for it because I too am a judgemental asshole.

I think the best way to approach these types of situations is to assume that your friends are going to judge whomever they meet regardless of how great that person may be and chanes are they probably won't love them right away. At least you can take comfort in the fact that you're friends are doing it because they love you and hopefully you have friends like mine that will grin and bear it when they don't like the person they meet. I'd also recommend copious amounts of alcohol. Lots and lots of alcohol. Everyone seems great when you're three sheets to the wind :]

Happy Humping!!

Let's Talk about Sex: Safe Sex

Let’s talk about SEX baby. Let’s talk about YOU and ME. Let’s talk about all the GOOD things and the BAD things that may be….Wait a minute. Bad things? What could be so bad about sex? It’s fun, pleasurable, good for your heart, skin and overall health. So what could be so bad about it?

Today’s blog is about Safe Sex and all the scary things that can happen when you stop practicing it. I figure I’m morally obligated to educate your crazy people about safe sex since I talk about fun sex so much.

I always find my path to my blog topic so interesting. Anything could trigger a topic. A conversation, a personal experience, a movie, a magazine, anything! In this case a marathon showing of The Real World Brooklyn sparked this weeks topic. In one of the episodes, the cast is asked to promote a screening of the movie Pedro. Pedro Zamora was a cast member of The Real World San Francisco back in the 90’s. He was also the first man gay man living with HIV to be on a television show. It was a pretty big deal back in 1994. The episode got me thinking about STD. I started thinking about how I would react if I found out that I had one. But first the facts.

“STD’s are a group of infections that affect the sex organs and genital areas. In the past, these infections were called venereal diseases or “VD” ( which I also thought stood for vaginal discharge. I think I’ve heard some refer to someone else as a VD, haha man that’s mean)

“STD are caused germs. They are spread from person to person through intimate physical contact, usually sexual intercourse ( aka hanky panky, aka the horizontal mumbo, aka the nasty, aka the deed). Anyone who has intimate sexual contact with an infected person may develop STD. It can affect all types of people.”

“Most STD can be cured but some cannot. The best way of preventing STD is to be informed and to take responsibility for you sexual activity by protecting yourself.”

Below is a list of the most common STD :
Chlamydia
Crabs
Genital Herpes
Genital Warts
Gonorrhoea
HIV/AIDS
Human Papillomavirus (HPV)
Syphilis

But in my research I found a few that I didn’t really know were considered STD they include:

Hepatitis B
Mucopurulent Cervictis (MPC)
Non-Gonococcal Urethritis (NGU)
Scabies
Vaginitis
Lymphogranuloma venereum (LGV)
Pelvic inflammatory disease (PID)

That’s 15 different infections/diseases! That’s a lot of shit! Well, it’s actually only 14. MPC is most common in females and NGU is most common in males. Still…that’s a lot.

Now that you know what you’re working with, let’s chat about it.

How much do you know about STD? I know we all learned about them health class in junior high and high school but are you really educated about them? If your doctor were to tell you that you had say Chlamydia would you start cashing in your RRSP because you thought it was the beginning of the end? I think it’s important to ask ourselves these questions because you never know when you could pick one up. In my research I found out that a lot STD don’t have obvious symptoms. So you could have one for 2 months and not know. Scary…Do you know which ones are curable and which ones are not? Well I do! And I’m going to tell you.

>Chlamydia
>Crabs
>Gonorrhoea
>Lymphogranuloma venereum (LGV)
>Syphilis
>Mucopurulent Cervictis (MPC)
>Non-Gonococcal Urethritis (NGU)
>Scabies
And Vaginitis are all curable.

>HIV/AIDS
>Hepatitis B
And Herpes are not curable

Genital Warts is curable but the virus might still be present on your skin.

HPV is not curable but preventable.

I think the most important thing to remember about STD is that anyone can get them. You don’t have to be a raging slut or be sharing needles with people on the corner to get one. I know two people living with an STD. Both have herpes and both contracted it in very different ways. Person # 1 slept with a random dj and got herpes from him. Person #2 slept with her boyfriend, later found that he had herpes and had given it to her. Both contracted the disease but in ways that are not even remotely related. It’s important to open your mind to the possibility that you can get an STD from anyone. And it’s important to know what you’re working with so you can keep yourself and the ones you love safe and healthy.

In addition to educating yourself it's also important to protect yourself. I'll state the obvious and say that it's SUPER important to use condoms. Male and female condoms are both effective. Use condoms, use condoms, use condoms, use condoms oh wait... hold on.. use condoms. If you are unsure if your partner has an STD suggest getting tested together. If they're hesitant or squeamish about it tell them you want to make sure that you don't give them anything and how it would be such a shame if you game them Gonorrhea because you didn't know you had it (which is quite possible since 80% of females and 20% of males don't show symptoms) Even the mere mention of Gonorrhea will get their ass in gear.

Unlike most of my blogs, I have a point to today’s banter. I want EACH of you to take a moment and learn something about an STD. I don’t care if you are single, dating, married, a floozie or a virgin. I’ve linked each STD ( which ftr took a long friggin time) so pick one and learn about it.

We spend hours, reading about celebrities, checking sports stats, checking our facebook and reading blogs but seldom do we take the time to educate ourselves about something that could have a severe impact on our life. So here’s your chance. Click on the links and learn something. Don’t be embarrassed and don’t be ashamed. There is NOTHING wrong with educating yourself. If you’re significant other/family asks what you what you’re doing tell them you’re learning about the penis and vagina’s common cold. That oughta start a great conversation.

Go forth and educate thyself!

Happy Humping!

I found an awesome brochure. Check it out

Female Propaganda

This blog was supposed to be about guys that cry and whether or not that is really cool or really lame. After much thought I’ve decided not to blog about this topic until further research can be conducted. My current thoughts are boys that cry are wussy babies. I have instead decided to blog about female propaganda. Last night, my roommate and I went to see “He’s Just Not that Into You.” For those of you living under a rock, the movie is based on a self help book. The authors provide relationship advice to women on dating. The movie centers around different types of relationships and the things people do to suggest how much they are and aren’t into you. The movie opens with a scene of a little boy pushing a little girl, the little girl crying to her mom, and her mom suggesting that the only reason the little boy did what he did was because he liked the little girl. Right. As I watched the movie, it made me think about all of the BS that we women are fed, or as I like to call it female propaganda. The one that sticks out the most in my mind are magazines, aka the young girls bible, aka the woman’s demise.

They like to start young with us ladies, you know brainwash us early. Remember reading, Ym, Teenbeat and all that other horseshit? They gave you advice about ways to make your crush notice you and wrote stories about some chick who started her period on some guys lap at a prom party (ps, that’s a true story) then they gave it a rating of how mortified that person should be. Like what the fuck is that? I read A LOT of Ym as tween and I don’t ever remember being encouraged to do something positive in my community or I don’t know get a hobby. But that was only the beginning… The real culprit was yet to come.

I swear, some 28 year old guy wakes up every morning, grabs a coffee, scratches his balls and starts writing an issue of Cosmopolitan Magazine. Similar to Ym, I read a lot of Cosmo between the ages of 17-21. I don’t think I missed an issue. At first it was awesome. The stories were way more scandalous then Ym, they had pictures of half naked men and each issue contained a steamy sex story in the back. Who could go wrong!? Every once in awhile, as a treat to their loyal readers, Cosmo would release a very special issue, the issue you’d been waiting for your entire young adult life….

"101 WAYS TO BLOW YOUR MANDS MIND (it’s almost too steamy to fit in one issue)"

In this special, Cosmo exclusive, readers were presented with unique ways to satisfy their man. The tips were generally broken down into groups. In the Home. In the Bedroom. With his friends etc etc. One of my favourite tips involved a donut. The tip said that if you really wanted to tickle his fancy you should get a glazed donut, and put it on his penis before you give him a blowjob. Apparently the sugar icing running down his penis would really “turn up the heat and get you man GOING!” Are you fucking KIDDING me! A donut? Really? You mean to tell me that I just spent $4.95 for you to tell me to put a donut on my man’s package? Is that really the best you could do? Come one…

I remember the exact moment when I read that tip. I was sitting with my roommates in our apartment having a laugh at the ridiculous shit that cosmo puts in their magazine. We couldn’t believe it. The magazine went on to provide other life changing tips, like putting your legs over his shoulder when doing the deed stating that it would blow his mind, the magazine suggested that “he won’t even believe it when you pull this move on him.” Another tip suggested making his favourite snack for him while he watched Sunday afternoon football with his buddies. Right… At that moment I decided that I would never read another issue of Cosmo and I didn’t. As much as I like reading my horoscope every month, and looking at pictures of shinny accessories, I won’t subscribe to a magazine whose mandate is to teach women how to be more appealing to the opposite sex. I also felt like I was never quite enough when I read Cosmo. Not cool enough, not pretty enough, not skinny enough, not sassy enough, not stylish enough, not blonde enough whatever. Luckily I’m a very confident, take no prisoners, screw you if you don’t like it, kinda gal so I didn’t let that bs get to me. But what about those women that aren’t as tough? It’d be interesting to see what sort of impact was made on a women’s self image and self-esteem after reading Cosmo for a year. It is my personal belief that magazines of this nature do nothing but further the idea that women should go out of their way to please men and should do everything in their nature to improve themselves so they can eventually find the man of their dreams, get married and be a good housewife. There are never any suggestions on creative ways to get involved in your community, or ways to be greener, or tips on ways to save money. Nada, zilch, zero. I give that an Mj thumbs down.

You don’t see Maxim telling their readers how to be better boyfriend or things he can do to make your Friday night girls nights more enjoyable. Haha can you imagine? If you really want to be a good boyfriend, make sure you keep her fridge stocked with fruity juice and her drawers stocked with mini umbrellas and plastic swords. Right.

I’m going to create a magazine. It will be called LaTS. Ladies are The Shit. The magazine will include fashion tips, health tips, (realistic) sex tips, green tips, money tips, good book tips and will feature some kick ass chick that is doing good things in the world who isn’t a celebrity or the wife of some rich dude. The magazine will also include pictures of naked men but that’s a given.

As with most of my blogs, I don’t really have a point except to suggest that Cosmo is the devil! And to suggest that women are constantly surrounded by ridiculous propaganda encouraging us to tolerate stupid shit and do stupid shit to make us fun fearless females! Excuse me while I puke in my mouth J

Disclaimer: For those of you who read and enjoy Cosmo, please know that I do not think less of you, well not completely.